Have you ever noticed how some people seem to be experts at making instant connections with anybody?
For years I struggled with my confidence and ability to reliably make the connections I wanted to. It was kind of hit and miss. Although I knew I could make excellent connections quickly with some, with others it felt as though we were from entirely different planets and conversation would barely extend beyond hello.
Now however, I understand the secret. I know exactly how to connect with people and can do so with ease, almost unconsciously. I look forward to networking events, social situations, workshops and meetings confident in my ability of making instant connections at will.
So what’s the secret??
It’s really quite simple..
When people are like each other, they like each other.
In NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) we refer to this as Rapport.
When you are in rapport, the person you are speaking to will uncritically accept your suggestions because there is an easy flow of energy. You are attuned with the other person and your intention is to engage in a win/win outcome.
So when we talk about gaining rapport and making instant connections with anybody, we are talking about communication.
The major elements of communication are:
- 7% Words – Key words, common experiences, associations and content.
- 38% Tonality – Pitch, speed, quality and volume.
- 55% Physiology – Posture, gestures, facial expressions, blinking and breathing.
Effective communicators are able to notice these differences in another and subtly match and mirror them. The key elements being posture, facial expressions and blinking.
In doing so you gain rapport with the person or in other words you’re easily making instant connections.
The are 4 key indicators of being in rapport:
- A feeling of warmth inside.
- Colour change from the neck up in both you and them.
- The person may mention they feel like they’ve known you before.
- When you shift position, they then follow.
With practice, gaining rapport and making instant connections with anybody will become second nature to you. Being an excellent communicator is a skill anyone can learn and it is the foundation of NLP. Rapidly growing in popularity, NLP is widely used in the areas of health, education, personal development and business by people who are committed to excellence and achieving ecologically sound outcomes.