How is the Mother Wound Affecting Your Business?
Your business can be doing well while parts of running it still feel harder than you expected.
You have capable people around you, yet switching off feels uncomfortable. There’s an idea you want to share publicly, but you keep editing it. Revenue is growing, while the feeling of having enough remains just out of reach.
These are experiences I explore with clients. Sometimes, those conversations lead us back to their earliest experiences of being loved and supported, particularly in their relationship with their mum.
By “mother wound,” I’m referring to gaps in regards to the comfort, acceptance or emotional connection someone needed in that relationship. It’s a term for exploring an experience, rather than a diagnosis.
One question I’m interested in is: what did you come to expect would happen when you expressed yourself or needed something?
As a small child, having someone respond to your distress helps you experience comfort as something available to you. You begin to trust that your needs matter and that someone wants to help you feel better.
That experience can contribute to how you approach support later in life.
One client came to me feeling uncertain about her finances and constantly rushing. As we explored what was happening for her, she connected that lack of safety with childhood experiences of needing comfort from her mum and feeling unable to receive it.
For her, there was a connection between that early experience and the pressure she felt as an adult.
In business, it’s worth noticing how you respond when something becomes uncertain. Perhaps you immediately take on more work, step into responsibilities your team could manage, or struggle to trust that anyone will help unless you oversee everything.
You may have support available while still feeling that the responsibility rests entirely with you.
Practical business problems deserve practical attention. Financial uncertainty may require a close look at cash flow. Alongside that, you can explore whether the intensity of your response feels familiar, and whether you feel able to let someone help.
Does expressing yourself put connection at risk?
Visibility asks you to let people hear what you think. That can feel uncomfortable when expressing yourself has previously led to disapproval or distance.
One client’s discomfort with sharing her ideas publicly connected with experiences of being sent to her room when she was vocal about something important to her.
Her mother was gently spoken, yet from my client’s perspective, expressing something that didn’t suit her mother’s view could result in being sent away.
She had associated full expression with losing connection.
That gives us a more specific question to explore than simply asking how to become more confident:
What do you believe could happen to your connection with people if you say what really matters to you?
You might notice this when you soften a considered opinion until it loses its meaning, or decide against sharing an idea because someone might disagree.
A secure connection can include disagreement and boundaries. As children, we benefit from experiencing that our behaviour can be corrected while love and comfort remain available.
When that felt uncertain, speaking freely as an adult may take more than knowing your subject well.
What does having more than enough bring up?
There’s something significant about feeling that your mum actively wanted you to be well provided for.
Beyond having your needs met, there’s the experience of someone taking pleasure in your happiness and wanting you to have comfort. You feel welcome to receive.
That’s the sense of abundance I’m talking about here.
When care felt freely and reliably available, it may be easier to expect support in adulthood. If it felt limited or unpredictable, you may find yourself questioning how much you can ask for or how long something good will last.
In business, this is worth exploring when growing revenue doesn’t seem to change the underlying feeling of uncertainty.
Imagine your business comfortably providing more than you need. There is enough money to pay for reliable help, and you have time to enjoy the life you’ve built.
Notice your response.
Does that feel comfortable? Does guilt appear, or concern about what having that much might cost you in your relationships?
Your response can help you identify the meaning you attach to having more.
There are many reasons someone might feel uncomfortable with wealth or security. The useful starting point is curiosity about your own experience.
Losing access to comfort can affect how you see yourself
In my own life, my parents’ separation changed my access to my mum and the comfort she gave me.
Exploring the grief around that helped me recognise a connection with feeling less valuable.
That was the meaning I had carried. Looking at it gave me an opportunity to understand why certain experiences affected me so deeply and then using The Turning Point Process allowed me to change my relationship with that feeling.
Your experience may be different. What matters is noticing the conclusions you formed about yourself and whether they still influence your decisions.
Making room for your experience
You can love your mum and acknowledge that some of your emotional needs went unmet.
She may have wanted the best for you while navigating circumstances that affected her ability to respond. Understanding her challenges can sit alongside recognising your experience as a child.
There’s no absolute rulebook about what will affect someone. People can grow up in the same family and carry very different meanings from their experiences.
As I often say to clients, it’s only a problem if it’s a problem.
When a pattern repeatedly affects your business or wellbeing, awareness gives you somewhere to begin. You can notice what happens, explore the meaning underneath it and develop more choice in your response.
A useful question to take into your week is:
Where in my business do I feel unable to trust that my needs and happiness matter?
You might notice the answer in a conversation about support, a decision about money or a moment when you’re about to share an idea.
These are conversations I have regularly with clients because running a business involves your personal expectations as well as your professional skills.
I explore this further in The Coaching Circle:
🎧 Episode 162 — How Is the Mother Wound Affecting Your Business?
Listen to the episode for more on how early experiences may influence your sense of support and your ability to feel comfortable having more than enough.
If you recognise something you’d like to explore, message me to book a 20-minute exploratory call.
